I have always been an “old soul.” I wear dresses (I’d add
petticoats too if I didn’t think people would gawk!), some of my favorite
celebrities are Ann Margaret and Frank Sinatra, and I love my cast iron
skillet. Over Christmas, Shane’s uncles and I laughed as we realized my
personal tagline should be, “I like to cook and bake and be in bed by 8!” I
mean come on, what 24-year-old do you know in this century asked for a sewing
machine and spatulas for Christmas?
Along with these attributes, I am also a big believer in the
“old school” views of family, marriage, and gender roles. Yes, I am ecstatic
for my right to vote, my competitive salary based on my merit and not on my
gender, and that I can live on my own and not need a man to change my light bulbs.
I do believe, though, that there were some things that America has “grown out
of” and we may not be better off because of it.
Although I have always had very strong goals and dreams for
myself and my career, I knew that my number one calling in life is to be a wife
and a mother. I believe that those will be my most influential and important occupations…if
I don’t throw myself into those things, I will have failed. I believe a
marriage is a partnership but also that the husband is called to be the head of
the household. Why? Because God called husbands to love their wives as Christ loved
the Church. Christ laid down his life for his Church and didn’t make any
decisions based on power or greed or submission… he made them all out of love
and based on what was best for his bride. This doesn’t mean that the wife doesn’t
have a say or isn’t an “equal,” it simply means that she is trusting her
husband to lead her the way God intended.
Call me Southern (GRITS- Girls Raised In The South), but I
am also a huge believer in chivalry! Contrary to popular belief, it is not
dead. On our first date, Shane, who had recently moved to Florida from New
England, opened my car door for me and he has been doing it ever since. Most
men in the South don’t even do that anymore, and I knew that wonderful man was
rare that first night because he respected me enough to uphold the traditions
of old. Why? They worked! If it’s not broken, don’t fix it, right? Every time I
hop in the truck as Shane hold the door open for me, I am so grateful for who
he is and how he views me as a woman. If a man is respectful in the little
things, he will be respectful in the big things.
This by no means indicates that women are damsels or are
incapable of thinking and doing things for themselves. It simply is a gesture
of love and tradition that radiates so much more than just holding a door open.
Last week at a company-wide meeting on leadership at work, I
arrived at the last minute and was looking for an empty seat. I spotted one in
the front corner of the room near some of my co-workers but it was an awkward maneuvering
to get to that corner chair. The presenters and “higher ups” of the company
were standing near and I smiled as I attempted to get to my seat. Low and
behold, I was astonished to realize that a new higher-up director of our company, one who came
from the military and would later give his presentation on leader- and
followership, stepped up to pull the chair out for me and waited as I sat down.
This was such a sweet gesture, so unexpected and appreciated, and it let me know
that not only did “his mama raise him right,” but also that he understood the
impact of chivalry and respect. And you know what else? It really made me
believe what he talked about later on. He is proving himself as good leader because
he cares about the people around him. He understands that chivalry isn’t dead
and it takes kindness and respect for those under and near you to be
successful.
So call me old school (no really, I hear it quite often) but
I just believe that there are certain traditions that we had right the first
time. Shane treats me with respect, and I him, and this will always allow me to
rest assured that he will lead our family in the way that is best for all of
us. I also know that, because of this, we will be able to show our children
what it takes to be ladies and gentlemen through the example we set. They will
understand that it isn’t about power or inability or manipulation. When a lady
acts like a lady of poise, personality, and self-respect, it allows men to
truly act like a man of brawn and chivalry. Now THAT is the kind of world I want
to live in.
