Dear Self,
I owe you an apology. I have known you for 25 years and you
have been very faithful to me, but you have consistently been taken for granted
and not treated with the respect you deserve.
I need to tell you that for the first time in 25 years, I
realize that you are not only capable, you are beautiful. Did you hear me? I
said you are BEAUTIFUL. I am sorry it has taken me this long to understand how
wonderful you actually are and I promise to compliment you more often- not
because I am vain but because you are a gift.
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| image by EP Widor Photography |
I am sorry I have filled you with sub-par things and expected
you to work to your fullest potential. I am sorry I deprived you of sleep,
nutrition, laughter, and made you spend way too many hours staring at, and obsessing
over, a number on a scale. I judged you by that number and I realize now how
wrong that was. You should have instead been judged by the strength you
possess, the lines around my mouth that point to how many smiles we have given to
others, and the freckles that dance around my skin for they remind me of all
the wonderful days we have spent in the rays of the pleasant sun.
I am sorry for all the excuses that were made to not fuel
you with exercise. We are so much happier and full of energy when we are active!
I am also sorry for all the times I filled you with improper food because I
thought I deserved it, or the times I deprived you of calories all together
because I thought I didn’t deserve them. I deserve to be fueled. I deserve to
give my body nutrition to live and thrive. This is just another thing it has
taken me so long to realize.
I am sorry I have compared you to others. I am sorry I
didn’t think you measured up to them because let me tell you, you are perfect
just the way you are. Everyone has their battles and if I can love others
through theirs, I can love myself through my own, too. I can’t take back all
the times I stared at pictures in magazines or at strangers on the street and
wished to look more like them, but I know now how foolish that was. You are
capable, miraculous, and wonderful.
I am sorry for thinking a number on a scale was enough to
define everything about you. It sounds pretty ridiculous said aloud, doesn’t
it? Someone who loves us very much recently took that scale away, and at first
I was angry because I didn’t think I would be able to measure my progress. It’s
funny though- I haven’t seen this much progress in a very long time and it
all started with the scale no longer being a fixture in my bathroom and in my
life.
Getting to this point of loving you has not been easy. It
was hard to even admit at first that I didn’t love you; however, people take
care of and nurture the things they love. They treat those things with respect
and honor for the blessing that they are. I have not done that with you and
that stops here.
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| Image by EP Widor Photography |
One day I hope to have a little girl and I don’t want her to go through these hard feelings like I have. I don’t want her to know what it feels like to not love exercise, not love good food, and I certainly don’t want her to know what it feels like to be obsessed over a scale. I don’t know that little girl yet, but I know that she will be beautiful and miraculous and capable. I know she will be unique and have so many characteristics about her that everyone will love. I know this because she will be a part of me. She will be a part of her dad, who is wonderful, too. These are all the things that will only begin to define her.
So, Self, with this sincere apology, I also want to say
thank you. Thank you for continuing to work and thrive despite the obstacles
through which I have put you. Thank you for being patient with me while I
learned all of these lessons. You are beautiful. You are perfect. You are
cherishable. You have been good to me and it is time now that I return the
favor.
Sincerely,
Your Newest, Greatest Fan
Your Newest, Greatest Fan
Psalm 139:14: "I praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
What would you say to yourself if you had the courage?
Hi Libby. I enjoyed your Note To Self. It is always good to take stock of ones strengths and be grateful for them. Hope you stay on a positive track and re-read this post if you ever feel negative
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Paul. I am sure this note will need to be revisited a few times.. hopefully others can benefit from it, as well.
DeleteExcellent, Libby! We all should say this to our self. Now after reading this post I realize how many times I have let my self down.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that a strange realization? "to thine own self be true" somehow turns null and void in the hustle of life!
DeleteWonderful post, so true!!!!! A good lesson for all of us.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteHello Libby: Congrats on accepting yourself as you are. The world would be a much happier place if we accepted ourselves as we are, and accepted others as they are.
ReplyDeleteDoreen, I couldn't agree more. Let's let our lights shine a little brighter!
DeleteHi Libby - I thoroughly enjoyed your post - congratulations on accepting yourself. We're so influenced by media about how we should look but that is all based on the outside. I think what we are on the inside is more important.
ReplyDeleteLenie
Lenie, you are absolutely right. Society has a funny way of telling us all sorts of lies but deep down, we have to learn to be true to ourselves. It's not an easy task, but it should be second nature.
DeleteSo many realizations about self take many many years and some people take longer than others. For me it took a very long time. That said, be sure not to beat yourself up on how long it took; just be happy you got there.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouragement! It is a work in progress for many of us, no doubt.
DeleteI really related to this "note" and I think you are wise to learn these lessons before you have children. As a mom of two daughters, I can see how they pick up on all my own prejudices and feelings, especially when it comes to how I view myself. I want them to be strong and confident and know they are beautiful, so I have to start with feeling that way about myself!
ReplyDeleteWow, Meredith! Thank you so much for this. Little eyes are always watching and you have such an influence on their self esteem! What an important role!
DeleteGreat thoughts! It made me think of this song I heard first at a concert. Hope the link works. Congrats on your marriage! I saw some of the pics and you were a radiant and beautiful bride! Denise
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r7UJE22Td9s