How many times have you been told, “learn from my mistakes?”
Probably a lot, right? And yet, how many times did you actually do just that?
For some reason, our human nature is to assume we know better and go off of the
need to do things for ourselves. Well, while this may be necessary in some
things, I would like to know that I can approach my future marriage with a few
lessons already under my belt, thanks to some wonderful people around me who
have been there, done that, and gotten the t-shirt. While it is inevitable that
mistakes and tiffs will happen, I think the world of relationships would be a
lot less tumultuous place if we just took the advice of those who have already
had to learn the lesson the hard way.
A few days ago, after a fleeting thought of “I wonder what
the hardest – but most well worth it- lesson people had to learn in their
marriage” was, I decided to pose my question to my Facebook buddies. I was
overwhelmed with the honest and forthcoming responses and was really touched by
how willing people were to share what may have been a very tough and humbling
lesson- all in the name of letting someone else learn from their mistakes.
I truly believe people are willing to put their pride aside
to help someone else. It is up to the receiver of these lessons what they
choose to do with them. Always willing to help myself, I want to share these
lessons with you! (I’m just a doll, I know.) I encourage you to pass them along
to someone who may also benefit from them (so….pretty much everyone) and if you
have one of your own, please share!
The 15 most difficult, but well worth it, lessons in marriage (straight from the horse’s mouth!):
1. I am not in this alone and my wife does not have ill will towards me. We are
on the same team.
2 2. being
loving is way more important than being right.
4. Don’t
put unrealistic expectations on your spouse. Enjoy and embrace their
differences, instead. God led you to that person for a reason.
5. It’s
okay to hold hands even after 20 years of marriage.
6. Don’t
vent to your family about your spouse. Odds
are, you and your spouse will work it out and your family won’t forget about it
when you do.
7 7. I
am more selfish than I ever dreamed I was.
8 8. Communicate
love on purpose. Discover their love language and act on it. (For more on this,
see my post on Gary Chapman or visit his website to discover your love language.)
9 9. Never
go to bed angry. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Work it out before
you go to sleep and wake up without stress.
10. Live
every day and love every day like it is your last. Good or bad, you can
overcome it if you stick together.
1 11. Make
sure you agree on how to manage your money. Money is the biggest source of
marital strife.
1 12. When
you are young, you nit-pick things to death. As you grow older, you learn to pick your
battles. Example: your husband empties the trash but doesn’t put a trash bag
back in the can. Instead of complaining, put the bag in yourself and give your
hubby a kiss and thank him for taking the trash out. Men need to be shown how
much we appreciate the little things they do. (I personally LOVE this example!)
1 13. I can’t
fix everything. Sometimes I just have to be a listener rather than a fixer. (Now
what gender do you think the friend who offered this lesson is?)
1 14. Learning
to be more feminine and let him do nice things for me. (I hope we can assume
the gender of this one…)
1 15. Always
kiss each other goodnight.
I don’t know about you, but I think I am going to print
these lessons and put them somewhere where I can reference them often. Now that’s
what I call free, fabulous pre-pre-marital counseling!
And as a bonus, some good friends of ours who have been
married for 6 years and have the kind of marriage people wish for, shared this video with me that really touched me. He said, “I don’t like to fight with my
wife, so I remind myself to choose to be happy as opposed to fighting to be
right.” This man is giving us the framework to literally “live like we are
dying” from his experience and the lessons he took from it.
What lessons could you share with someone about your marriage that you may have had to learn the hard way?
What lessons could you share with someone about your marriage that you may have had to learn the hard way?
