I have been officially planning the magical, whimsical,
flowery, purple affair that will join my beloved and I in wedded bliss for
nearly nine months (let’s be honest though, I have been thinking and plotting
about it for far longer!). I am in the home-stretch now with just two weeks to
go. As much as I love to plan and love having my brain on wedding channel 24/7,
I am to the point now where I can reflect a bit, look forward to a few quiet
evenings in the near future where my husband and I can chomp popcorn and watch
Netflix and not be surrounded with paper samples, vendor contracts, and this
DIY project or that. I am just so excited to be his Mrs. and share life with my
best friend. I know I will always be a list-keeping, type-A, semi-neurotic
planner and I will always look forward to the next big thing or event to
coordinate, but nine months with one solid focus (a big, stressful focus for
which I am the sole decision-maker/manager/slave driver) has begun to take its
toll on my sanity. I am ready for a bit of peace.
Although I have not yet finished this journey, I have
learned a lot through this process. A lot of these lessons perhaps reach
further than just the realm of wedding planning and are things I hope to never
forget. Maybe you can benefit from some of these lessons and maybe I can remain
mindful of them as the crazy two weeks ahead of me commence!
(Us. Insert "awww" here.)
1. People
who offer to help mean it.
I know when I offer someone a
ride, a hand, a meal, or a shoulder, I genuinely mean it and am happy to
deliver! If I didn’t want to for whatever reason, I would not have offered. I
have to believe that other people are generally the same. If someone offers to
take some weight off my shoulders, I cannot feel bad for taking them up on
their offer!
The kicker- I have to remind
myself to ask them to do things they would enjoy and will be good at (don’t ask
someone who enjoys creative, fun things, to deal with something budget or contract
related). Bonus: if you give them a job, it’s best not to micromanage or tell
them how they have to do it. You just have to be okay with the way they wish to
get the task done. Yes, this is incredibly more difficult than it sounds.
2. Flexibility
and honey will get you far.
I spoke to a wedding vendor yesterday who said I
was “the most flexible bride.” When she said that I was flattered, but I also
thought, “What does she expect? For me to pitch a fit and tell her no?” To me,
that is not only pointless in a situation beyond your control, it is just
tacky. I have been treated so well by many of my vendors because we were
flexible with what we wanted and were willing to discuss things rather than
present a “my way or the highway” mentality. Shane and I knew a general idea of
what we wanted to provide our guests, so we decided to have it on a Thursday
instead of Saturday so we could afford all the niceties we wanted. I provided
my photographer with a general shot list so he was aware of who was family and
what images was important to me, but my approach was that providing a 3-page
shot list of every single photo I wanted taken would insult his professionalism
and hinder his creative process. I gave my florist a color scheme, style, and a
few blooms I didn’t care for, and I am letting her take it from there. If I had
something specific that I couldn’t live without, I would have told her, but
mostly, I love her work, she and I are on the same page, and I am excited about
being surprised and wowed on my wedding day!
I
want to help people out and do more than my share of the work, but if someone
else is the expert, by all means! I think this approach has served me very well
and honestly, will remove a lot of disappointed on the big day. I guess we will
find out for sure after May 1, but mostly I have had the nicest interactions
with my vendors and they have been very willing to work with me on things
because I was courteous and flexible (see my
previous post on attracting bees
with honey!).
3. It
is one day.
Albeit the most stressful and
important day of my life, I have had to constantly remind myself of this when I
put unnecessary pressure on myself to make this the most perfect, ornate,
creative, romantic, awe-striking event my guests have ever been to! In the end,
I am putting a large amount of money into an event that lasts 5.5 hours and
yes, I want it to be perfect and memorable, but it still just one day. Which
leads me to…
4. There
is a single, ultra-important goal of this day.
It could rain (it better not!).
Someone imperative could come down with the measles and not show up (take your
vitamins, people!). There could be a freak snow storm and my beautiful gazebo
ceremony could be forced to move inside amongst space heaters and down blankets
(this Southern girl did decide to get married in New England, after all.) I
could worry about all of those things and have a bridal meltdown of epic
proportions in the event they do happen, or I could focus on the sole purpose
of the day: to marry my best friend and merge our two lives into one amazing
partnership. To be surrounded by the 75 people that love us enough to travel
from all over to witness our matrimony and celebrate with us because
MARRIAGE
is important. Without marriage, a wedding would just be an overpriced family
reunion.
5. The
people who want to be there, will.
I had to make some very conscience decisions
early on in the wedding planning process to understand that I can only do so
much and there would inevitably be loved ones who would not be on board or able
to make the trip to our destination soiree. This mindset has really helped me
avoid freak-out sessions because Shane and I could have had a ceremony overseas
(I tried), could have done something more expensive and therefore would have
had to shorten the guest list, could have picked a different continental location
that wouldn’t be in driving distance for the majority of guests like the one
that we chose is. Not everyone will understand the thought process and
sacrifice behind the decision we made on location and plans, but that’s okay. The
people who love us and know that we did what is best for us have been so supportive.
Life and circumstances have forced some very eager individuals to not be able
to come and they will absolutely be missed. Others may have had different ideas,
but bottom line is this: the people who want to be a part of our big day will
make every effort to be there. Period. I am choosing to focus on those people.
