Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Prescription Frames and a New Found Perspective: Guest Blogger

Many of my tried and true followers know how close my mom and I are and how many traits she has so lovingly passed down to me (okay but really, mom? You could have kept the varicose to yourself). Just today at lunch while involved in a deep and interesting conversation about the proper way to load a dishwasher and scrub hard anodized pots, my lips sputtered some passionate idea about the heat at the bottom of the dishwasher ruining Tupperware and I tried to cover my mouth in time but, alas, my mother had escaped again. 

This is why I am so excited to show you all first hand another passion I share with my mother... our love of writing. She truly is a talented and comical writer so I know you all will love this guest post from my mommy dearest. Enjoy!

Prescription Frames and a New Found Perspective

So.....had an interesting morning. Quite an adventure if I do say so myself. An odyssey in my own home. A unique and unusual experience that began when I accidentally misplaced my glasses and ended when I located them. This is the tale of my vision quest.

I am very dependent upon my eye wear. I have been since a child when my dear mother noticed much squinting and exasperation during homework and music lessons. Eye exams, glasses, contact lenses, solutions, cases, and cleaners have been part of my life for 47 years. Improved vision has made colors crisp, letters, numbers, musical notes and faces readable. Transformed blurriness to clear.

Misplacing glasses or contact lenses isn't really an option for me if I hope to navigate my world. Upon discovering this morning that my vision aids were MIA, I drew a breath and glanced around, anticipating their presence, right...here...

No, not here, perhaps over there?? At first, I felt a faint glimmer, a hint of annoyance...they have to be right here on top of my reading materials or hiding under the Life section of the Ledger. Searching involved looking and patting, feeling for the familiar face wear. Eventually, hopeful assurance kicked into gear. Of course, ( head slap) I could've had a lapse and left them in the bathroom nestled in my well-stocked makeup bag, beside the toothbrushes or darn it, maybe in the messy drawer next to the hairbrush. Cursory looking transitioned to controlled rummaging. Those darn things should be RIGHT here!

Okay, break time, lil' spurts of nervous giggling and roving eyeballs....I spied my Samsung cell phone and had the presence of mind to distract myself with Facebook...ahhhh, that baby is soo sweet; she's in Alaska?? Hope they see the Northern Lights, I would love to see the northern lights, whose birthday is today?

Breathing returned to normal, equilibrium reestablished. Checked my fuzzy reflection while passing a mirror. Pasted a smile and gave a silent pep talk, usually an effective mood booster! Ready. Set. GO!!
I resumed my search for much needed glasses. Getting a slight headache from squinting, pretty strong prescription for nearsightedness and astigmatism. Don't think I'm exaggerating when I mention that "blind as a bat" describes my -5.00 & -5.50 prescription strengths.

I knew I had things to do, places to go, and people to see. I had to get down and dirty serious about locating the missing eye wear!! They could NOT have been stolen and I know they didn't just walk off. Think....think harder and smarter. Could they have inadvertently been abandoned at the coffee pot/toaster during breakfast? No, they had not been inadvertently or deliberately abandoned by the coffee pot or toaster. Then, without forethought, I threw open the french doors for a quick look in the refrigerator. I admit, I paused for a quick spurt of nervous laughter at this instance. Now that would have been funny (read: embarrassing) to find them next to the International Delight Hazelnut flavored creamer. Alas, they were not left behind in or around the Frigidaire, nor were they located in the pantry or languishing with the few, neatly stacked dirty dishes by the sink.

Exasperation settled into my psyche as I stomped to the laundry room and looked high and low for missing spectacles. No, they were not in the pile of clean clothes or the basket of dirty clothes, nor in the washing machine that had reached the Rinse cycle.

Desperation drove me to retrace my morning routine. Pressing my face close to every surface, top, bottom,sides, and all around the town. I flung sheets, towels, mail, art projects, dog toys, magazines. I looked in the dog beds, under my bed, sofa, and kitchen table. I emptied trash cans, found a partially emptied piece of Samsonite (unexpected bonus locating dirty socks, shirts, and unmentionables from a trip three weeks ago), teehee. I'm sure this never happens in well-managed households. During this period of shame and deep lament over dust, clutter, and the piercing agony of not having Merry Maids on a regular basis, I nearly shrieked with frustration. I wanted to pitch a fit, host a conniption, have a meltdown!!! When the red mist dissipated, I decided against having an undignified hissy fit. It wouldn't be fitting to disrupt and disturb the dust bunnies congregating nearby. They were, to be fair, just minding their own bunny business.They didn't deserve to witness dirtball carnage and I'm quite certain they were too young to come to such a tragic end. I came to the inevitable conclusion that the real tragedy was discovering my myopia had far reaching effects beyond being shortsighted. Vision, while important, is but one of my God designed senses. I still have smell, taste, touch, and hearing.

Comforted by these calming thoughts, I decided to scrub the bathroom. Have any idea how close you have to press your face into a sink, tub, and toilet to ascertain how much scouring is necessary to thoroughly remove soap scum and mineral buildup? Scrubbing Bubbles are truly fascinating up close and personal! Who knew that Ajax appears white until it comes into contact with water and miraculously transforms into a lovely shade of blue? Clorox Cleanup works miracles with that disturbing moldy colored ring in the toilet! Merry Maids may appreciate my unscientific discoveries. I tackled the grungy grout until the travertine was ready to cry for mercy. Then, while backing out of the throne room on my hands and knees, I glanced up at the sage green bath towel draped over the towel holder and noticed an arm. The arm was connected to the lenses and yahooooo! there were my glasses. They once were lost, but now they're found!!! Rising from my gleaming pine-scented floor, I did an impressive happy dance and smiled a true and happy smile. What a relief! What an odyssey! What an adventure! What a moron! Why were they there in the first place? Well, whatever the reason, it was a unique and unusual way to "see" my world for a couple of hours. Perhaps a new perspective is helpful every now and again.

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