Boy, do I love it when things come full circle, or I hear that someone actually listened to what I had to say! (It doesn't happen very often. Trust me.)
You may remember my post about my life saying: "you attract more bees with honey than vinegar." (If not, you can read it here.) My mother is the most graceful, poised woman who ALWAYS (I repeat: ALWAYS) gets what she wants. Being her spawn, it has proven to be annoying from time to time, but that is neither here nor there.
I can only take lessons from the master of attracting bees with honey, so take lessons I have! But I'll go one step further, I have decided to share these lessons.
A few weeks ago, a co-worker friend of mine was discussing the woes and frustrations of moving into a new house that was previously inhabited by extreme messy bessies. She wasn't getting very far with the property management and was about at the end of her rope. I shared with her a story of my mother, just one example of her amazing ways that leaves you with the tunnel eyes you see in cartoons..."yes ma'am...I want to do whatever will make you happy...your wish is my command..."
My mother was attempting to use a flight voucher for an upcoming trip. The woman on the phone told her she needed to drive to the airport and complete the transaction there. She drove the 45 minutes to the airport and when there, the American Airlines ticket counter was vacant. Walking around to another counter, she found two American Airline workers who looked like they were about at the end of their shift.
"Can you two help me, please?"
"Our computers aren't on."
"I drove all this way and the woman on the phone said this transaction needs to be completed here. Why don't we put our heads together and come up with a solution?" (Oh, those magic words.)
After a moment of silence, "Oh, okay, I can go log into the computer. Come on."
The trick here was that she didn't raise her voice, she didn't demand anything, but rather, she formulated her request as an act of teamwork. Genius. Of course they were going to help her then!If she had talked down to them, got irritated, or started barking demands, those airline workers would have shut down and not helped her- and she would have left angry and ticket-less. By working together and keeping her cool (and always a splash of charm), she was able to drive home a happy woman.
Today, I got an email from that co-worker whom I shared this story with.
"I just had to tell you, your mom's 'get what she wants' technique is working out beautifully for me. Using the phrase 'why don't we come up with a solution together' is making my life sooo much easier!"
How great is that?! So you see, class, honey really does attract more bees than vinegar.
I, too, have recently used this technique when I picked up a pizza order only to get it home and find it cold. Apparently, they baked the pizza 4 hours earlier when my online order came through, ignoring the time i specified on my ticket.
When I called the manager, I politely asked him what kind of solution could we come up with to fix our predicament.
"I'm so sorry ma'am. I'll give you a nice credit for the next time you order pizza." (Little did he know my significant other is a Papa John's maniac.) I would say that was a score. Reheated the cold pizza, and have free pizza waiting on us this weekend. Bon Appetit.
Showing posts with label composure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label composure. Show all posts
Friday, December 7, 2012
Friday, August 24, 2012
How to Keep Your Composure (Attracting Bees with Honey)
I have a life motto.
I think everyone should have one- and most of you probably do without even really realizing it. A mantra you say to yourself, a Bible verse you strive to live by, a quote you've heard somewhere along your path. I bring mine up often, because although I can be somewhat of a pushover- Some people or experiences will want to drive a gal to drink!
My life motto:
You attract more bees with honey than vinegar.
As it infers, people respond much better and more graciously to someone who treats them kindly and with respect, over someone who might gripe, yell, and use choice words to get what they want. It has been my experience that I ALWAYS get further being nice to the people I am working with (without becoming a doormat) than getting testy.
Today, however- my patience was tested. I was dealing with either incompetence, laziness, power trips- or perhaps a combination of all of the above! I kept my composure- as a true lady always does- but with the completely unnecessary wrenches I was being thrown- it was taking every ounce of Southern Charm in me to keep a smile on my freckled, flushed face. (Irritating people have a way of doing that to you!)
With that being said, here is my list of how to deal with irritating people and get what you want, all while keeping a grasp on your dignity and grace.
1. Just keep smiling. Don't ever let someone know they've gotten to you.
2. Keep an even, but stern voice. You can smile and still let people know you mean business!
3. Stand up straight and head-on. The perfect "you don't scare me" stance.
4. Visualize your perfect outcome. What is it that you want from them? Visualize it, and don't back down until you have it.
5. Decide if you are willing to settle for an alternative. Is what you need or want set in stone? Decide in your head what alternative you would be okay with, if any, and be gracious when it comes up.
6. "Put your heads together." If you can construct your request to be conceived as teamwork, and even as the other person's idea- you're so close to success.
7. Imagine your confrontation role model. Identify someone in your life that handles confrontation gracefully and always gets what she wants. For me, it's my mother. That woman is so convincing, she could sell underwear to a nudist!
8. Shut up. I learned this fabulously successful tip when I worked in sales for a local newspaper. You present your demand or your bottom line, and then you shut your mouth. That's it! Don't keep talking, trying to feel out your opponent- state your claim and stare. You might make them just uncomfortable enough to give you what you need. It works because people are so used to noise that silence slaps them in the face.
9. Walk away if you need to. Sometimes, the outcome you hope for just isn't going to happen. And sometimes, people think they can get more out of you because you are young/female/nice/whatever. Walking away will not only show that you mean business, but that you respect yourself too much to deal with unnecessary bologna.
10. Recap and Learn. Whether your situation was successful or not, there is a lesson in there somewhere. Play it back through your head, jot things down if you need to, and grasp what elements worked, what didn't, and how you will approach things next time.
And throughout all these steps: remain gracious. It's hard, I know (Oh, how I know!) but trust me: it really will get you far in life. Everyone likes gracious people, no one likes someone who is acting like a pill!
So go out there and attract some bees with all your new-found honey, honey!
I think everyone should have one- and most of you probably do without even really realizing it. A mantra you say to yourself, a Bible verse you strive to live by, a quote you've heard somewhere along your path. I bring mine up often, because although I can be somewhat of a pushover- Some people or experiences will want to drive a gal to drink!
My life motto:
You attract more bees with honey than vinegar.
Today, however- my patience was tested. I was dealing with either incompetence, laziness, power trips- or perhaps a combination of all of the above! I kept my composure- as a true lady always does- but with the completely unnecessary wrenches I was being thrown- it was taking every ounce of Southern Charm in me to keep a smile on my freckled, flushed face. (Irritating people have a way of doing that to you!)
With that being said, here is my list of how to deal with irritating people and get what you want, all while keeping a grasp on your dignity and grace.
1. Just keep smiling. Don't ever let someone know they've gotten to you.
2. Keep an even, but stern voice. You can smile and still let people know you mean business!
3. Stand up straight and head-on. The perfect "you don't scare me" stance.
4. Visualize your perfect outcome. What is it that you want from them? Visualize it, and don't back down until you have it.
5. Decide if you are willing to settle for an alternative. Is what you need or want set in stone? Decide in your head what alternative you would be okay with, if any, and be gracious when it comes up.
6. "Put your heads together." If you can construct your request to be conceived as teamwork, and even as the other person's idea- you're so close to success.
7. Imagine your confrontation role model. Identify someone in your life that handles confrontation gracefully and always gets what she wants. For me, it's my mother. That woman is so convincing, she could sell underwear to a nudist!
8. Shut up. I learned this fabulously successful tip when I worked in sales for a local newspaper. You present your demand or your bottom line, and then you shut your mouth. That's it! Don't keep talking, trying to feel out your opponent- state your claim and stare. You might make them just uncomfortable enough to give you what you need. It works because people are so used to noise that silence slaps them in the face.
9. Walk away if you need to. Sometimes, the outcome you hope for just isn't going to happen. And sometimes, people think they can get more out of you because you are young/female/nice/whatever. Walking away will not only show that you mean business, but that you respect yourself too much to deal with unnecessary bologna.
10. Recap and Learn. Whether your situation was successful or not, there is a lesson in there somewhere. Play it back through your head, jot things down if you need to, and grasp what elements worked, what didn't, and how you will approach things next time.
And throughout all these steps: remain gracious. It's hard, I know (Oh, how I know!) but trust me: it really will get you far in life. Everyone likes gracious people, no one likes someone who is acting like a pill!
So go out there and attract some bees with all your new-found honey, honey!
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