Chivalry Ain't Dead!

I have always been an “old soul.” I wear dresses (I’d add petticoats too if I didn’t think people would gawk!), some of my favorite celebrities are Ann Margaret and Frank Sinatra, and I love my cast iron skillet. Over Christmas, Shane’s uncles and I laughed as we realized my personal tagline should be, “I like to cook and bake and be in bed by 8!” I mean come on, what 24-year-old do you know in this century asked for a sewing machine and spatulas for Christmas? 

Along with these attributes, I am also a big believer in the “old school” views of family, marriage, and gender roles. Yes, I am ecstatic for my right to vote, my competitive salary based on my merit and not on my gender, and that I can live on my own and not need a man to change my light bulbs. I do believe, though, that there were some things that America has “grown out of” and we may not be better off because of it.

Although I have always had very strong goals and dreams for myself and my career, I knew that my number one calling in life is to be a wife and a mother. I believe that those will be my most influential and important occupations…if I don’t throw myself into those things, I will have failed. I believe a marriage is a partnership but also that the husband is called to be the head of the household. Why? Because God called husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the Church. Christ laid down his life for his Church and didn’t make any decisions based on power or greed or submission… he made them all out of love and based on what was best for his bride. This doesn’t mean that the wife doesn’t have a say or isn’t an “equal,” it simply means that she is trusting her husband to lead her the way God intended. 

Call me Southern (GRITS- Girls Raised In The South), but I am also a huge believer in chivalry! Contrary to popular belief, it is not dead. On our first date, Shane, who had recently moved to Florida from New England, opened my car door for me and he has been doing it ever since. Most men in the South don’t even do that anymore, and I knew that wonderful man was rare that first night because he respected me enough to uphold the traditions of old. Why? They worked! If it’s not broken, don’t fix it, right? Every time I hop in the truck as Shane hold the door open for me, I am so grateful for who he is and how he views me as a woman. If a man is respectful in the little things, he will be respectful in the big things. 

This by no means indicates that women are damsels or are incapable of thinking and doing things for themselves. It simply is a gesture of love and tradition that radiates so much more than just holding a door open. 

Last week at a company-wide meeting on leadership at work, I arrived at the last minute and was looking for an empty seat. I spotted one in the front corner of the room near some of my co-workers but it was an awkward maneuvering to get to that corner chair. The presenters and “higher ups” of the company were standing near and I smiled as I attempted to get to my seat. Low and behold, I was astonished to realize that a new higher-up director of our company, one who came from the military and would later give his presentation on leader- and followership, stepped up to pull the chair out for me and waited as I sat down. This was such a sweet gesture, so unexpected and appreciated, and it let me know that not only did “his mama raise him right,” but also that he understood the impact of chivalry and respect. And you know what else? It really made me believe what he talked about later on. He is proving himself as good leader because he cares about the people around him. He understands that chivalry isn’t dead and it takes kindness and respect for those under and near you to be successful. 

So call me old school (no really, I hear it quite often) but I just believe that there are certain traditions that we had right the first time. Shane treats me with respect, and I him, and this will always allow me to rest assured that he will lead our family in the way that is best for all of us. I also know that, because of this, we will be able to show our children what it takes to be ladies and gentlemen through the example we set. They will understand that it isn’t about power or inability or manipulation. When a lady acts like a lady of poise, personality, and self-respect, it allows men to truly act like a man of brawn and chivalry. Now THAT is the kind of world I want to live in.

Babies and Blessings

One of my nearest and dearest friends, Mallory, had a little bundle of joy in February- Gavin Mark. I helped throw one of her baby showers in December and met some of her friends who loved her and her soon-to-be baby as much as I did! 

 Shane and me with baby Gavin a few weeks after he was born.

This past weekend, one of those friends- Katie- threw Mallory a Baby Meet-and-Greet party- something that was new to me, despite all my baby shindigs.

The party was held at the yoga studio at which Mallory teaches, and it was lovely meeting all her “yogi” friends. Katie had mentioned on the invitation to bring something for Mallory to fill a jar with good things for Mallory. Not sure if i was on the right track, I brought a tube of my favorite fancy lip gloss to remind her not to forget about little luxuries, and hoped it would suffice. 

Walking into the yoga room, shoes off, lights low, you could feel just a very cool energy. Baby Gavin was happy and peaceful, the girls were lovely to be around, and I was just genuinely happy to be there for my friend and her baby. 

We first wrote blessings for Gavin’s life to be displayed in a doorway blessing (I couldn’t find much online about this but it is basically a banner made of colorful fabric that hangs outside of the nursery door with separate little pockets to stuff the written blessings). Everyone went around and shared their blessing, and then it was time for the bowl for Mallory. Not exactly what I was thinking, the bowl was full of homemade sugar scrub and some of the guests added “pixie dust,” lavender essential oils, and stones with things like “patience” written on them. Obviously, I couldn’t exactly add lip gloss to this concoction, but the idea was the still the same: pamper yourself, you’ve done a miraculous thing bringing this life into the world, and even if just for a moment- you deserve to be treated like royalty. At least I know Mallory will appreciate her skin AND lips being as soft as a baby’s bottom…(chuckle chuckle…get it!?)

I am so excited for Mallory’s journey, and grateful that I have been able to play a small part in it. Gavin is such a beautiful gift and Mallory and her husband, Stefan are already amazing parents. 

What are some unique ideas you have seen displayed at baby or wedding showers?

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, I Am My Mother After All.

It is no surprise by now that my mother is my best friend.We are completely opposite in some very key areas, we are alike in all the onesthat count, and we bring out the best (and I guess worst) in each other incertain instances that take me by surprise.

Of course, as I am sure most daughters of mothers (yes ladies, that would be all of us) can attest to, there was that one moment whereI realized, “oh my gracious, I’m turning into her!” It started harmlesslyenough, when I realized I wiped the sink down in my first dorm room the way Isubconsciously watched my mother do so many times. As time went on though, Ifound myself doing things- saying things- SOUNDING just like her. I saw a signonce that said, “sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.” I smirkedonly because I’ve never read anything more true.

I’m going to be honest- as a grown adult with my very ownjob and bills (hooray!...), it is so easy to be best friends with my mother from8 hours away. I miss her, I cry for her, and I look forward to our dailyconversations. But it took a little adjusting when she recently came to staywith me for a week and a half.  How couldshe not know to turn the lights off? I don’t think I have EVER turned the lighton in my spare bedroom. How dare she move my expertly placed decorative pillowson the couch. And, gasp! She tried my eye cream??!! I’m not sure how Ms. EsteeLauder would feel about that.

To figure out the level of my ridculousness, I shared thesethings with the always level-headed Shane. Not even half-way through mydramatic, adjective-ridden spiel, however, he just couldn’t help the smirk. The smirk quickly turned into laughter and I just stared at him. “What is sofunny!?” I said, gaping. “Honey,” he began, still laughing, but a gentle handon my shoulder. “You act JUST like her.”

So there it was. As a 24-year-old woman who prided herselfon independence, whit, savvy shopping, and promptness, there was no escapingthose little quirky quirks of my mother. They were swimming in my veins. Therewas no alternate exit. Pass “go” and collect 500 genes.  

On a recent trip to visit her family in Pennsylvania (see a previous post about this wonderful place here), mymother sent me a picture. It simply said, “Mirror, mirror on the wall, I am mymother after all.”

So, ladies, if it hasn’t happened yet- take heart. It iscoming…and probably quicker than you would think.  You will wake up one day, look in the mirror,and realize that face staring back at you is not your own. It’s the face, voice,mannerisms, idiosyncrasies, laugh, fashion sense, and dance skills of noneother than mommy dearest.

Good thing I happen to have a mother who is beautiful,charming, fashionable, funny, AND a great dancer.  I certainly lucked out. 

Hearts, Ribs, and a Mansion.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Although I have never claimed to big a huge celebrator of Valentines Day, today has already proven to be a GREAT holiday. I woke up early this morning to take Simon out, and saw something on my windshield! At first, in the dark of the early morning, I thought trash had blown on my car! As I walked closer, I saw that it was a dozen red roses underneath my windshield wipers and a gift bag with the sweetest card (seriously, Shane, where do you always find these great cards!?) and a BEAUTIFUL bracelet I have been wanting! I was quite surprised and full of those giddy, in-love feelings, even at 6 a.m. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, when you know, you know. 

I saw something online the other day about all the things a woman is. How they are strong but caring, persistent, nurturing, fighters, friends, and supporters. Truthfully, I didn’t read very much of those parts because one line grabbed my attention so strongly. 

Woman was made from man’s rib so he can guard her heart. 

Think about that for a minute. Think about the role of your ribcage… it covers your heart! Your ribs protect the heart beneath them, not because they are better or have a more important job, or even call the shots in any way. A heart knows it is safe beneath the ribs because they have proven their strength against outside danger. Without the ribs, a heart is exposed, vulnerable, susceptible to harm. 

We know that God spoke to his people in examples and metaphors they could easily understand. My favorite of these is in John 14:2- In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”

At the time this was written, if a young man wanted to marry a woman, he settled a dowry with her father and then he went away. He built an addition onto his father’s house that he thought would be suitable for his betrothed. When finished, her father would come and approve that it was good enough for his daughter. Meanwhile, the girl had no idea when her betrothed would come back for her. So she would keep a candle in her window so that he would know where she was and that she was anxiously awaiting him. When the addition was finished being built, the young man and all other young men in the town would run up to her house in the middle of the night with music and dancing and loud cymbals! They were announcing his arrival and she would finally be with her love after so much time of wondering. 

When Jesus said this to his people, he knew it was a language that they would understand. “I am going to prepare a place for you.” The groom is anxiously waiting to bring his bride to the mansion He has built for her. And when He does come back for her, it will be a loud homecoming! 

1 Thessalonians 4:16- For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God.

This is why I love the saying I heard so much. Yes, woman is strong, can endure tremendous pain, can fight for what she wants and still have the touch to sooth and comfort. But we need protection. We need someone with strength and armor when we just can’t fight anymore. That is why Eve was created from Adams ribs… not only is she a part of him, she needs him, too. Her heart needs the comfort of his ribs. 

Someone I trust very much once told me, “Don’t look for the cracks in his armor. Look for someone who will guard and protect your heart.” 

Men aren’t perfect, and I sure am glad they don’t expect women to be, either. But what I know for sure- when you find a man who does everything in his power to look out for you, protect you from harm, and love you like you have never been loved before- you found a man for life. Because a heart would never leave the comfort of the ribs protecting it, and the ribs would never do anything to leave their sacred post.

This is what true love is. God, as always, nailed it right on the head.

Kooks of a Feather Laugh Together

I am a self-proclaimed writer. Writers write. They create stories, describe situations, and a lot of times- tell exaggerated, over-the-top INTERESTING accounts of life because we love an audience! Am I right? Anyone? ::Crickets:: See, I’m just not as funny without an audience. 

I don’t believe in love at first sight, but I was pretty sure Shane was the one for me after our first date. Not only was he accomplished and charming, open the car door for me and show up in an ironed shirt, he thought I was funny! He was generally interested in what I had to say and never in my life had I sat across the table from someone more enveloped in the words coming out of my mouth. As I drove home later that night, I called my mom and said, “Mom! He thinks I’m funny! The man said I was better than T.V.!” 

I knew it would work out because some people just don’t get my humor. They don’t think I’m as humorous as I intend to be. Sometimes I forget to laugh at my own jokes, and people take my sarcasm for… the opposite of sarcasm. 

One of my goals has always been to write a book and- MARK MY WORDS- I will! Perhaps I should put a time frame on it- before I’m 30. Well, crap, that would add another time-consuming goal to the next 6 years of my life (the other being having kids and being out of diapers by my 30^th birthday. I feel as if I am running out of time on that one…) 

I have started a few books, but have yet to get to a point where they STICK. I believe they have a term for this… Ah, yes, writer’s block. Can I get an “amen”?? I’ll look for some more resources on this and keep trudging along… some of those ideas are too dang good to walk away from. 

Recently, my mother and I have toyed with the idea of co-writing a book about our crazy adventures. If you’ve ever read my blog, you know she and I have quite a few of them! Let’s face it- we’re hilarious! Okay, maybe it’s just hilarious that we think we’re so funny. Either way, we could sure fill up some pages. I know how this book would go, though. My beautiful, fun, witty, princess of a mother would describe all these wild scenarios in which she ate wonderful pastries, met helpful wait staff, and bedazzled whatever she could get her hands on. I would write about how irresponsible she was, the sense of urgency I (unsuccessfully) tried to ESP to her, and how she makes me late for everything. Honestly, is it so hard to get an 8-year-old in her Hippie Chick costume to the party on time so she can save face!? Missing out on a few Cheetos and a game of MASH is not to be taken lightly. 

The woman has no sense of time, or knows her way around a sewing machine. But boy, can she dress, accessorize, decorate, charm the pants off of anyone, and bedazzle! What she has, I sure don’t, and perhaps vice versa.  I think this is what makes us the best of friends. 

She gave me a decorated plaque that I have hanging in my closet beside my full-length mirror so I can read it every day. “I am blessed because you are my daughter and also my friend.”  It’s not every day you come across a relationship that not only are we forced to know each other because I am part of her, was formed in her womb, but we choose to be close. We choose to reveal our secrets to one another, cry together, and more importantly, laugh together. She makes me a better woman because she showed me what a graceful, loving, attractive, and fun woman looks like. We’re two of a kind… even if deep down, we’re both just a couple of kooks.